Mommy's have meltdowns too...right?

This morning was NOT my finest moment. UGH! From the outside looking in I probably resembled not a 30 year old but a 3 year old by my meltdown...

Let me preface this by saying that I am not now nor have I ever been a morning person. I have a hard time getting myself out the door.
IT started with me getting up later than I should have and went down hill from there.

It was thirty minutes till hubby and the kids needed to be out the door to be on time for school.


Keddie was playing his DS, still in his pj's and hadn't had breakfast.
Langston was still asleep.






The two of them have REALLY been trying my patience lately with their refusal to listen to me and this morning it all caught up with me.



Langston woke up refusing to go to the potty (Oh yeah, did I mention we started potty training?) I sat him on the potty and sat with him for a while in the bathroom. He refused to go. We went into the boy's room to get dressed and he peed on the floor. Not 30 seconds after he got off the potty. GRRRRR

About that time Keddie came in and wouldn't get dressed because he was cold. Well put some clothes on and you won't be cold, but what do I know. He started whining and wouldn't get clothes to get dressed. Langston ran away from me so I couldn't put on his pull-up right as Keddie stepped in Langston's pee on the carpet. .

I should have just walked away. But I didn't...
I started to yell, I spanked, I completely lost my composure and lost my temper.

Ultimately I did walk away leaving my husband to deal with them and get them out the door.
I'm sitting here thinking when my kids are older is that how theya re going to remember me, as the mom who got mad and yelled? Did I emotionally scar them in some way? Pretty dramatic, I know, but these are my thoughts...

But now, as I sit here at work unable to focus, I am weighed down by this mommy guilt. In that moment I set a horrible example for my kids and taught them that it's okay to lose your temper. That's not what I want them to learn from me. I know that I am not the only one familiar with "mommy guilt" but sitting here right now I can't think of a worse way that I could have handeled this morning.

Looking back, I learned from this morning that I have no patience when I feel rushed, so our morning routine is going to have to start earlier. Also, that Keddie gets overwhelmed when he has to pick an outfit from his entire closet, I can help this by giving him options to choose from. Maybe were not ready to potty train yet, yes I said we. Langston and I BOTH have to be ready, and I'm not so sure that I am. And tomorrow is a new day.