The "C" word

Anyone that knows me well knows that I hate cancer, no hate is not a strong enough word, I loathe it. It continues to break my heart.

I lost my dad to brain cancer in 2004. For him, the battle was short and I hold firm in believing that he never had a chance of winning that war by the time the tumor was found. Losing my dad was and contines to be one of the hardest trials of my life. I miss him greatly everyday.

And this weekend, I lost one of my closest childhood friends, Becky.

We grew up together, we played together, our siblings played together. She was such an awesome person, even then. She was nice to everyone ( a rare quality to find amongst kids), she was soooo funny, always up for a good time and such a good friend.

She lost her battle with Cancer on Friday. She was MY age. She had 4 beautiful children that will not have her as they grow up. A husband that loved her more than life, and a huge following of supporters. Even as she battled this horrific disease she was positive and kept her sense of humor; a true inspiration to me on how to gracefully deal with adversity.

I will miss her so much and hope that wherever she is, she has left a legacy that will not be forgotten.

Follow up: Challenges

So last week I posted about a HUGE challenge that one of my friends had presented me with. Just wanted to provide some follow up, it went really good.

It was HARD, don't get me wrong, but it felt really good to be able to tell my story to a room full of future counselors that could use my situation to one day help others. It was empowering for me.

The next day when I woke up I almost felt a sense of relief, like a burden had been lifted (or atleast lightened a little bit). And these days, I will take any little bit I can get.
:)

Alone...never

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. -Sophia Loren

I recently caught myself in the middle of thinking that I could use some alone time. You may be thinking well what is wrong with that? Well nothing, unless you are like me, crazy obsessed with your kids. Even when they're not with me, they consume me. Well my thoughts anyway, and I often end up wishing that they were with me so I could stop worrying so much about them. Is it just me, am I crazy or is this what mommyhood is all about?

I worry that they know how much I love them but also know there's a thing called tough love.
I worry about if they'll remain friends as they get older.
I worry about them staying healthy.
I worry that they will always be nice and never bully.
I worry that I am too soft on them.
I worry that I am too hard on them.
Do they get enough sleep, eat enough veggies, will they do good in school, will they be successful, happy.....the list goes on and on......

So for me alone time is an urban legend, a friend of a friend knows someone that it happened to one time years ago. But considering the alternative, I won't complain, I will count my blessings; they are two and five (well next week, he'll be five).

The ABC's of me...

This post was inspired by Blanca (she is an inspiration)http://blancaortega24.blogspot.com/2010/09/abcs-of-you.html

A. Area Code: 936, but I've been a 281 and a 713...
B. Bed Size: Queen, but I swear the next time we move it will be to a house with a master large enough for a KING size bed (I love to have all my boys in bed with me to cuddle).
C. Chore you hate: Dishes! and that's only because at my house they sit around for a while and then are Disgusting. YUCK
D. Dog's name: no dogs for us yet, but as the boys get older, I know my days are numbered.
E. Essential "start of the day" item: the Today Show, it helps me ease into the reality that I have to go to work...boo!
F. Favorite Color: Hot Pink, I love this color so much that I have Barbie's Dream closet ( well my interpretation of what it would be... a hot pink closet). It makes me soooo happy to go in there and get dressed in the morning.
G. Gold or Silver...Silver all the way, I think gold makes me look paler (pretty sure that is not a word) than I already am.
H. Height: 5 foot 1 inch on a tall day, eh who am I kidding I don't have tall days.
I. Instruments you play: um zilch, zip, nada, nothing... But I love the piano and wish that one day I will just wake up and know how to play...
J. Job: Insurance Agent with Farmers. I am just getting started but love it
K. Kids: 2 adorable boys, Keddie and Langston, they are the great loves of my life!
L. Living Arrangements: I live with my 3 crazy boys (their father included) and there is NEVER a dull moment.
M. Mom's Name: Debby Noble, her real name is Deborah. I like to call her de-Bor-ah when she is not listening to me...
N. Nicknames: Mom, Mommy, hunny, and I guess there's still a rare few that call me "Neiser"
O. Overnight Hospital Stay: Twice, one with the birth of each child...
P. Pet Peeve: Ohhhhhh there are so many. Topping the list though would have to be people that don't pay attention to their kids or that are mean to their kids.
Q. Quote from Movie: I love movies, but don't remember quotes like some...
R. Righty or Lefty: Righty
S. Siblings: I have 6. Teresa, Brad, Doug, Anna, Alan and Aaron. They are all crazy different but are all great(most of the time)
T. Time you wake up: the first time or when I actually roll out of bed...because those are two totally different questions. I try to be up by 6:30 but most days its a whole lot closer to 7. Without my husband I would probably never be up at a reasonable time...
U. Underwear: Yes, I always prefer underwear! :)
V. Veggies: I try to like all my veggies but I just can't stand some of them. I loooove broccoli though.
W. Ways/ reasons you're late: Ha, because I am a huge procrastonator, even at something as easy as getting ready.
X. X-rays you've had: teeth, shoulderblade in first grade, back in high school...
Y. Yummy food you make: all the food I make is yummy, I just don't do it alot, my all time favorite, my chicken enchilidas
Z. Zoo animal you love: Panda Bears, I have never seen one in real life but they are so beautiful to me, one day...maybe.

Well, there you have it, those are the abc's of me...what about you?